Birth Parents: the legal process

By Melanie Towers & Janine Elliot, PFC Birth Parents working Group

Introduction | Preparation | In court

Introduction

For a transitioning parent things can sometimes be very difficult.  This is often compounded if you have children living with you, or you are trying to gain some sort of access.  From experience, I can tell you that in the difficult time that lays ahead regardless of the problems that you may face, the love of your children comes first and foremost.  For that you will be well rewarded when things really get on top of you.

In many cases, gaining or retaining access will involve a court directions appointment.  Many other birth parents have succeeded in such hearings, maintaining access to their children in difficult circumstances and the following advice is based on the experience of those involved in these cases.  For many of you, the inside of a court room will be unusual and can be a daunting experience.  What should be a straight forward directions appointment in chambers will for many seem like being ’on trial’ and you may feel the odds are stacked well against you.

With broader public awareness that transsexual people are getting now days, people realise we are not unusual or weird and that fact seems to be slowly getting through and is having its effect on the British Judicial System.  By preparing your case carefully, and taking care to present a good image to the court, you can help those involved to overcome any negative preconceptions they may have about trans people.

Preparation

Plan out your campaign before you attend the court with your solicitor: try to think of every eventuality and leave nothing to chance.  Make sure that all the evidence which could be useful in your case such as dates, correspondence, and statements are all in order and thoroughly prepared beforehand.  If possible, it is also a good idea to go through it all with a sympathetic friend to check that you have included everything that could help, and that it is all clearly ordered.

Personal preparation is most important prior to going to court.  Firstly be confident about who and what you are … that is, a normal human being like any other.  It may be tempting to try to defuse any fears the court may have about trans people by presenting in your former gender, but this is not advisable.  The court will be aware that you are trans, so this will only give the impression that you are uncertain or insecure about your gender.  By presenting confidently as yourself, you can demonstrate that being trans does not present a problem regarding your parenting skills or how others relate to you and indeed you can successfully relate to others in your true gender.

In court

First impressions DO count: dress to impress.  Having said that, follow the dress code of the establishment, this is a formal occasion.  (You should dress formally rather than casually or for show.) For trans women, wear a dark suit and light coloured plain blouse.  If a skirt suit is to be worn rather than a trouser suit, then it most definitely should be below the knee.  For a trans man, a plain dark suit with a white or light- coloured shirt and tie.  Be dignified and respectful to all in the court community.

Make sure that your legal counsel has made the court aware of “Transsexualism, The Current Medical Viewpoint” (available through Press For Change).  It would also be advisable to have a copy available for the court — you can order a printed copy from PFC, and this is much more impressive than a printout from the website.

In the event things don’t go entirely your way, it is very important that you remain calm and dignified even though it may be difficult to bear.  Respect the courts directions.  If need be you can appeal later.  A good parent is not one to be seen to get angry or agitated easily, after all the court will rule in the best interest of the child.  If you ’let yourself down’ you are only compounding the problem you have gone to court to resolve, not easing it.

If possible, it may be a good idea to take a close friend along as support.  Check with your solicitor whether they think this is appropriate.

If you are the respondent, do not show hostility to the plaintiff.  Be open and confident in your case, but relaxed also.  Your solicitor or counsel will do all the communicating.  Only answer questions directed at you by the Judge and under no circumstances make an interjection.  Body language too is an important tool.  Hand movements should be kept to a minimum, preferably down at your side.  Too many will appear aggressive.  Keep your body movements in tune with your gender.

Our best wishes go with you for a successful outcome!