Birth Parents

News and guidance from the Press For Change Working Group on Trans Birth Parents

By ’M’ & ’J’, PFC Birth Parents working Group

What is a Birth Parent | What’s the problem? | Why we’re here | Further reading

What is a birth parent?

A parent is an adult who fulfils a parental role for a child. For many children, this means their biological father or mother, but this is not always the case.  Those who have been adopted have adoptive parents; those whose parents found a new partner may have step-parents.  We use the term birth parent to refer to those who are the biological father or mother of a child.

Of course, not all trans people who are parents are biological parents: some may have adopted or fostered children, and others may be step-parents to the their partner’s children.  So we use the term “birth parent” to distinguish those who have the biological link.

Trans people who became biological parents before undergoing gender reassignment often face some confusion, because their current gender status is not the same as that when the child was conceived.  A trans man may be a child’s biological mother, and a trans woman may be a child’s biological father.

This can lead to some obvious confusion of terminology …  because a trans woman who is a birth parent is not actually the child’s mother, and similarly a trans man who is a birth parent is not actually the child’s father.  Since this is not always obvious to others, families find their own ways of making a distinction.  One trans woman explained her daughter’s solution: “my eight year old makes a clear definition when relating the situation to other people.  I am referred to as Mum, but her natal mother is Mummy and she is so matter of fact about it, there is no confusion.”

What’s the problem?

All too often, when a custody battle develops, the courts are reluctant to award custody to the trans parent, and frequently place very severe restrictions on access, sometimes wholly forbidding access

The processes involved are complex, and the reasons not always straightforward … but the pattern we see repeated all too often is that the court accepts the argument that children are likely to be disturbed by contact with a parent whom they may previously have known in another gender.

This is rarely the case, and the experience of most trans people who were father or mother to a child before their transition is that as long as the situation is carefully explained to them and all questions answered honestly, the overwhelming majority of children adjust very well to their parent’s new identity.  This is confirmed by research, and we include here some pointers to the studies.

Despite this gloomy picture, it’s important to stress that not all trans people lose contact with their children.  When dealing with the courts, trans people need to emphasise the evidence that children are not adversely affected by their parents change of sex, and that preventing access to the trans parent is likely to be a much greater danger

Why we’re here

The information on these pages is intended as a guide to help a ’Birth Parent’ understand of the legal mechanisms in place in the U.K. today.  It aims to give you an idea of your rights as a transsexual parent and those of your children.  Along with actual case histories, we are assembling information from legal and medical professionals well versed in the needs of birth parents and their children.

For some of you reading now, things may seem all ’doom and gloom’ .  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  Opinions are shifting and the courts are becoming more understanding to the needs of the children and the Trans parents themselves.

All the members of Press For Change’s Birth Parents Working Group have first hand knowledge and experience of the system.  We know its perils and pitfalls, but also its successes … so whether you are trying to make contact with your children, gain access or even apply for a residence order, we want to give you the best information available.  Ten years ago it would have been unthinkable for a trans person to be awarded legal custody of their child.  Now it can and does happen.

For those of you whose children wish to talk anonymously to other children that have dealt with their parent transitioning, we hope to start an email reply service for them.

Further reading

• Birth parents and the legal process

More guidance to follow soon!